Leaf Jokes

Hi Friends.

I have not had time to write any posts this week, but will write one tonight, and then tomorrow (friday) i will write a preview for the Leafs-Canucks game and then i will do a live summary as the game is going on.

for now, here are some Leaf jokes that were in the Toronto Star today, as well as some others I came across.


JOKES:

-Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team? Because then Toronto would want one

-What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto ?
None of them can play hockey.

-The Leafs have decided to play all of their games underwater in future. Apparently there are 20,000 leagues under the sea and they hope they can find one they can win in.

-Two guys are camping out in the Muskokas, sitting around a fire at night and relaxing. Suddenly one of them sits bolt upright and shouts "DAMMIT! The Leafs lost!" His friend, impressed with his friends psychic ability asked "How do you know?" His friend replied, "It's after 10:00pm."

- Whats the difference between a Triangle and the Toronto Maple Leafs? a Triangle has 3 points.

-Why did Vesa Toskala interrupt two people having sex? He wanted to know what it felt like to stop someone from scoring.

-What does the Leafs and the Titanic have in common? They both look great until they hit the ice!

-What did the Leaf fan do after the Leafs won the Stanley Cup? He turned off his PlayStation.

-What do the Leafs and Tampons have in common? they are only good for one period.

-What does Mike Komisarek and Timmins, Ontario have in common? They are both Minus 25 come Christmas.

- Why did Brian Burke insulate his house? Because he didnt like the Draft


-Two friends die in a car accident during a terrible snow storm. They arrive in Hell and the Devil begins their punishment by turning up the heat very high. But the two friends are not in any pain, in fact they appear happy. The Devil asks why are they happy and they respond that they are from Canada and it's nice to be around warm weather. The Devil turns the heat even higher, still nothing. He then decides to lower the temperature in Hell as much as possible, thinking that the two friends could not bear such coldness. Instead he finds them happier than ever and jumping for joy. "It's freezing here!", says the Devil "Why are you two so happy??" One of the friends replies, "Hell just froze over! The Leafs won the Stanley Cup!"


-Hockey Night in Canada is concidering dropping the Leafs from its national broadcast and showing the Leafs in Ontario only. actually thats not a joke, it was reported today in the Toronto Sun.



End of Jokes

also, I wanted to point out that I am an avid Leafs fan, which is why I write a Leaf Blog but I wanted to brighten up the mood a bit concidering the start to the season. However we have to remember that the plight of the Leafs is not amusing after what's happened with Vesa Toskala this morning. I appreciate we are all down on the team but when a player becomes suicidal from their performance (and the media's response to it) then we should all rally together behind him. As most of you know, Toskala tried to commit suicide last night, by standing on the train tracks just south of Dupont. Thankfully, the train went through his legs.


Thats all folks

Leafs Vs Rangers Preview

Toronto Maple Awesome Motherfuckers

Games played: 6
Record: 0-5-1
Points: 1

Standings: 15th (last) in Eastern Conference

Goals for: 13
Goals for Per Game: 2.16
Goals against: 28
Goals against per game: 4.67


VS


New York Lamers

Games played: 7
Record: 6-1-0
Points: 12
Standings: 1st in Eastern Conference
Goals for: 28
Goals for Per Game: 4
Goals against: 14
Goals against per game: 2



Tonight, the Leafs hope to end a 6 game losing streak, and leave those losers the New York Islanders in the dust, as the only team who has yet to win a game this season. Since the Panic Button had to be sent in for repairs due to constant pressing, Brian Burke and Ron Wilson decided to press the Reset Button instead. Coach Wilson felt the team was no longer having fun and was afraid to make mistakes, so he organized a "Fun practice" of Dodgeball and Finger painting. Then at 6:00 pm, Their mommies came and picked them up. Jason Blake was excited because he was going to visit his cousin.

It is likely Matt Stajan and Nik Hagman will be back in the lineup after being healthy scratches in a 4-1 loss to Colorado. With Vesa Toskala and Jonas Gustavsson still injured, Andy McDonald and James Reimer will be the Starter and Backup respectively. Jonas Gustavvson is expected to be back the following game, which is next Saturday vs Vancouver.

While on paper, this years defense far surpasses last years, expectations have been dashed by poor defensive zone coverage and mental errors. A solid effort tonight could be a big step toward rejuvenating the fans and getting the defensive play to the level where it should be. Francois Beauchemin, Mike Komisarek and Luke Schenn would benefit the most from a strong game at the ACC.

A win tonight would allow the Leafs to set out on a positive note on their upcoming 5 game road trip. It would also allow them to not be justifiably booed out of their own building for the third home game in a row. The upcoming road trip could end up being very important if the Leafs are still in the playoff hunt when game #82 rolls around. with 11 of a possible 12 points already gone this year, the upcoming 10 points - 4 of which are against division rivals - could make or break the season. The final game of the road trip is clearly a practical joke from NHL head office, as it takes place Halloween night Vs Leprechauns.

The Rangers are basically then Anti-Leafs right now as they are on a 6 game winning streak and first in the league with 12 points and a 6-1-0 record. With Marian Gaborik and Vinny Prospal red hot with 10 points each, and rookie Defensemen Michael Del Zotto with 7 Pts, Toronto will undoubtedly be tested to its limits. And if a 6 game losing streak wasnt enough adversity for the Maple Leafs they will have their hands full trying not to score in their own net.

If the Leafs lose tonight the question will be "how many loses will it take before Burke starts mortgaging the future to prevent a top 5 draft pick?"

Hopefully the Leafs will win and get the ball rolling so we don't have to ask that question.


Prediction:

Can we jump yet?

I have a feeling that since Oct 1st the number of Toronto Maple Leaf related suicides has increased dramatically. But what went wrong?

Before training camp I was not the only one who had high expectations for this team, and after the preseason, those expectations were heightened. Brian Burke and Ron Wilson did not do anything to dampen our collective hopes, or prepare us for what was to come, as other Leaf administrations have in the past. When you have a fan base that hasn't seen a playoff game in 5 years, making them think there is a legitimate chance their team will make the playoffs and then pulling that rug out from under them is a sure fire way to get your ass booed.

Brian Burke had Leaf Nation in the palm of his hand, all dreamy eyed and drinking the kool-aid. There was no pressure to perform this season, everyone had accepted this would be a year of rebuilding and bringing up the young guys. But then Burke had to go and trade away two first round picks for Kessel. While I am not exactly against the deal itself, and I am even on record defending it, what I am against is the timing and circumstances of the trade. In trading the 2010 first round pick, there is immense pressure for the Leafs to finish in the playoffs so that the pick they traded isn't very high. Unfortunately the Leafs are dead last in the NHL meaning if the draft was today, that pick would be first overall and that is expected to by Taylor Hall. Burke now has to worry about losing a high draft pick, possibly Taylor Hall and the hit his reputation could take. My fear right now is Burke will make some ill advised trades circa the last 10 years in order to boost the Leafs spot in the standings, which will hurt them in the long run. Secondly, a lot of people are now looking to Phil Kessel to come back from his injury and deliver us to salvation. Unfortunately, from what I have been listening to, it seems to the consensus among the radio talk show hosts that Kessel does not have the skill to score 30 goals in Toronto with its current personnel. And it is unfair to place that kind of expectations on a 22 year old kid. I really have a feeling Burke is starting to have some buyers remorse. I hope he kept the receipt.

Next we have the issue of Burke's prized defense. Komisarek and Beauchemin don't seem to be performing the way Burke had in mind when he gave them the big bucks. I don't expect them to play the way they currently are for much longer, but they haven't really done much to inspire confidence in them. Both players were lauded by Burke as tough as nails, stay at home defensemen, who would improve the back end dramatically and help on the penalty kill. So far, Komisarek mostly has taken dumb penalty after dumb penalty and made rookie mistakes. Beauchemin has been caught out of position several times, and made some glaring giveaways, he has managed however to tally 3 points in 6 games. I was excited when we got these guys, and I really want to like them, but so far they haven't done anything to deserve my affection. They better soon, or else we will be stuck with them for a pretty long time.

Schenn is also struggling. He is having trouble with the same stuff he did last year, like not using his size, giveaways, inability to clear the puck, and defensive zone coverage, but he is no longer a rookie so he wont get a free pass anymore. There has been rumblings that he should not have been in the NHL last year, and it might have stunted his development. It is possible he will become the 5th 6th or 7th defensemen or even be sent to the Marlie's. I hope he can get it together,because I like him, but remember, he is only 19!

In net, it hasnt been much of a suprise. I was crossing my fingers thats Toskala would be better this year after the surgery, but deep down, I didnt believe anything would change, and I was right. So far, he is averaging over 5 goals per game, and has a save percentage of about .800. The best thing he had done this year is get hurt, and the best thing Jason Blake has done is hurt him.

The Monster, Jonas Gustavsson really hasn't got a chance to shine yet. hes only played about 1.5 games in total, and has been adequate but has been injured twice, with a Heart problem that needed minor surgery, and then a groin problem that still has him on Injured Reserve.

On the offensive side of things, Stalberg impressed before he got injured, and personally I think Grabovski has been the best forward so far. Blake, Ponikarovsky, Stempniak, and Mayers have been pretty invisible. Hagman, has been alright, Kulemin has been pretty good in the couple of games he has played, and Stajan has scored three goals but other then that hasn't really done anything. The best line has been Kulemin-Grabovski-Hagman, They have been creating lots of scoring chances and consistently been deadly. In fact, the offense as a whole has hit the post and come very close to scoring more times then they have actually scored. The teams they have played have all had stellar goaltending compared to what the Leafs have been getting.

So to sum up, the first 6 games have been quite disappointing. With the defense and goaltending leading the way down. I really want to like Burke and his trades, but everything he has done seems to be blowing up in his face. I want to like Komisarek, Beauchemin and Schenn but they have to step it up. Toskala has got to go, and so does Blake and Mayers. We might be able to work with everyone else. I also wish Burke didnt put so much pressure on the team to perform this year via the Kessel deal, because they could have cruised through this year and developed Schenn, Bozak, Kadri, Stalberg, Hanson, and the 2010 Draft picks. Then picked up a goalscorer or two through a less rushed trade or free agency. We would have been set for next year to make the playoffs.

But we have to remember it's only been 6 games. while this doesn't excuse the poor start, at least it hasn't been 20 games. However, we are still going to be without a possible 11 points that would have really helped make the playoffs, especially because they were 13 points short of 8th in the East last year.

Here it a video I came across today. Its not hockey related but who cares

Leafs Vs Avalanche Recap

Start of Period One

-Bozak takes opening faceoff

-Stalberg is friggin fast

-McDonald shouldnt play the puck.

-there is a pretty fast pace to this game, no whistle yet 5 minutes in.

-McDonald already made more saves in 5 minutes then toskala has this whole year.

-Leafs aggressively forechecking like Wilson wanted.

- Orr just beat the snot out of Koci who is a lot bigger then him.

-Leafs TV is giving me a headache with all the camera changes... its was a 3 on 2 for Colorado and just as the guy passes it they change angles and zoom in and i completely missed the play. just use one camera, and zoom the fuck out!

-Leafs Penalty. Good job Blake. Hes lucky they got the wrong person and gave it to Mayers .Not sure why Hagman was benched after Blakes game last night.

- We should get rid of Toskala and put White in net after that save.

-Leafs are incapable of clearing the puck on the penalty kill.

-WOW another god damn penalty. Good one Ponikarovsky, what a stupid penalty. It will 1-0 Colorado in about 1 minute

-Tucker kicked ass

-1-0 Colorado. Told ya so. Someone please tell every commentator for the Leafs that they don't need to make an excuse for every single goal scored on the Leafs.

-Powerplay for the Leafs. Bozak doing a good job going to the net.

-No goal on the Powerplay. A couple of good chances, especially by Grabovski, he was doing it all on the powerplay. He should keep playing like that.

-plenty of chances, but no goals. Just like every game thus far.

-Rosehill can really hit and he forechecks hard. Mayers on the other hand, is clearly retarded.

-2-0 Colorado. a weak goal.

-The booing begins. it should be louder, let em hear how pissed you are

End of Period One

- McDonald didn't have that many shots, he made a couple of saves, but let in two weak goals. He basically looked the same as Toskala.

-The forwards were much better then previous games, but cant score

-The defense was pretty much the exact same as last nights game.

-Whole team has to work on clearing the puck and has to stop taking stupid penalties.

Start of Period Two

-Leafs with good pressure in Colorado's zone. But Mayers doesn't understand the concept of using your stick to put the puck in the net.

-Powerplay for the Leafs after the Av's almost make it 3-0

- 2-1 Colorado as Leafers score on PP. Beauchemin slapshot from the point and Stalberg tipped it in I think.

-Honestly. Komisarek is stupid. He takes a penalty less then 30 seconds after the Leafs score. Bench him.

- 3-1. Avalanche score on the PP. Tucker scores after Beauchemin gets deked. GJ Komisarek.

- The avalanche goalie just beat the crap out of Rosehill and no call. wow. What a joke

-Leafs have no momentum now.

- 4-1 Fucking pathetic. Im stopping this summary as i just dont give a fuck anymore. I hope the fans boo the Leafs off the ice. Mayers, Blake, And Komisarek suck balls. I hope I dont hit anybody on the way down.

News Story

Ontario Judge makes unprecedented ruling... Another case of truth being stranger than fiction.

TORONTO , ONTARIO (CP) -

A seven-year-old Toronto , Ontario boy was at the center of a Toronto city courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents & the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law & regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents & he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy alleged they had also beat him.After considering the remainder of the immediate family & learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references & confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.